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Friday, July 25, 2014

Let's Talk: English Majors

As many of you know, I have been a student in the wonderful world of college for longer than I care to admit here. During my time there have been certain things that I have noticed about my fellow peers. English majors are a special breed, often times we are seen as artsy individuals who will never find employment. Other times we are hailed as the most important major for pursuing the "most important subject - being a human being."

I tend to side with the latter.

However, we as a major have certain quirks, each of us housing different interests and views while under this umbrella of the English Language.

The following are the most prevalent English major types that I have seen in my time within two English Departments. Shout out if you see yourself.

 *Take these with a grain of salt, after all, all English majors are fantastic. 

1.) The Doctor:
This is the individual who writes twenty pages when the page count is ten. This individual not only reads the required reading, but they read ALL of it weeks before it is assigned. They know the syllabus and what it says better than the professor does while often annoying fellow students by being the first to ask all the questions all the time.
 How to spot one: Normally this individual is so persistent in their studies they are taking more than the average load of classes so you will often find them sprinting across campus. They may not have much free time to party, but they will definitely share their notes with you, so they're definitely alright.

2.) The Sleeper:
This is the person who chose English because they thought it would be easy. However, at times you worry they never put the reading/writing aspect into consideration when choosing that to be their future path. This person sits towards the back, normally in the corner, propping their head on the wall and we're never completely sure if they're awake or not. If you get this person as your partner for anything, you may find yourself doing more than your fair share of the work... but they're normally totally game to present so you don't have to.
How to spot one: They often times don't do their homework, not because they don't care exactly, but because they were asleep when it was assigned. If called on, they'll normally just throw in some mumbo jumbo with a pinch of existentialism, "The wheel barrel was red to symbolize the struggle, man."Yeah. Like we didn't see THAT one coming.

3.)The Poet:
The poet is an interesting individual. Like The Doctor this person takes things seriously, but normally it's themselves that they take seriously. They chose their major not because they enjoy literature and writing, but because they were destined to do it.
How to spot one: You'll find them taking Creative Writing classes and saying that people "don't get the vision" if they don't see the perfection. Often times this person only reads literary fiction because it is the only thing worth reading in their eyes. Sometimes I have seen Poets disguise themselves as Hipsters. You have been warned.

4.) The YA/Children's Lit Evangelist*: 
The YA Evangelist is a particularly prevalent individual in today's world. These individuals are constantly reading literature that some view as below their age group, but they don't care. Forever are they searching for the understanding from other individuals in their major but they normally don't find it. They want the world to see what a wonder that children's lit can be, but sadly, the world just isn't ready. 
How to spot one: You'll find them carrying copies of Harry Potter proudly and scanning the Teen section of the bookstore. They often love fairy tale retellings and tend to "book shimmy" out of excitement for upcoming titles. 

*Chances are, they still don't like Twilight. 

5.) Charles Dickens: 
This person is stuck in the 1800's. They tend to feel that anything worth reading was written ages ago, but they generally know their stuff. They have mounds of research backing up their viewpoints about famous authors, sometimes they make sense while other times they are bizarre.
How to spot one: You will find them sitting on campus reading a huge leather bound work under a tree. Sometimes they will recite their favorite passages, while other times they will be so engrossed in their current study they won't know you're there.


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